Pearl’s Life Coaching Flowchart #2

Pearl's Life Coaching Flowchart #2

With spring slowly coming to our part of the world and daffodils blooming in our little backyard garden, Pearl thought it might be good to offer a little help with answering one of life’s most challenging questions: “How can I have more joy in my life?” So she has prepared her second flowchart as a “Life Coach.” (You can read her first flowchart here if you’d like.)

It’s also a great opportunity to wear her new Daffodil hat. If you don’t have a Daffodil hat of your own, you may consider making one. If Pearl can do it, so can you!

Please keep in mind this is all from Pearl’s unique chicken perspective. Whether or not this carries over to a human perspective is something you can decide for yourself.

Special Note: Pearl is planning to have “Ode To Joy” from Ludwig van Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony playing in the background when she delivers this message at our local university.

Let’s get started. Go Beethoven! Go Pearl! (She will be using Beethoven’s “Ode To Joy” as her flowchart test item.)

“Can you eat it?”

Since Pearl is a chicken, and eating is something chickens and people both have in common, this seems to be a good place to start.

You’ll notice Pearl doesn’t ask whether it tastes good or not. There are very few things a chicken won’t eat, and what they won’t eat, there’s almost always another animal that will eat it. (You would be amazed at the number of things chickens will not eat but which people will eat!)

Pearl’s Bottom Line: Things you can eat are definitely a reason to jump for joy!

You cannot eat a song like Beethoven’s “Ode To Joy.” Well, I guess you could eat the sheet music if you were truly desperate. But you can eat something else while listening to Beethoven’s “Ode To Joy.” To be fair, we should count that as a “No.”

“Will you be able to eat it later?”

This is more important than you might think. Just because you can’t eat something today, doesn’t mean you won’t be able to eat it tomorrow. Never forget shoelaces can turn into earthworms!

Often things just need a little time to get soft and mushy and ripe. For example, a hard green tomato will turn into a soft red ripe tomato if you give it some time.

So if your answer is “Yes,” you have a reason to jump for joy. Even if you can only give it a “Maybe,” don’t despair. There’s always tomorrow.

Pearl’s Bottom Line: Everything deserves another chance to become food for chickens.

Nevertheless, you cannot eat Beethoven’s “Ode To Joy” or the sheet music no matter how many times you say “Maybe” and wait. Looks like another “No.”

“Can it eat you?”

Now we are getting to the flip side of this whole eating thing. Just because you can’t eat it, doesn’t mean it can’t eat you!

So if it can’t eat you, that’s definitely a reason to jump for joy even if you can’t eat it. If it can eat you, proceed with caution!

Pearl’s Bottom Line: If you can’t eat it, and it can’t eat you, then you are safe even though everybody’s stomach might be grumbling. Jump for joy just a little, and then go find something to eat!

Beethoven’s “Ode To Joy” cannot eat you…unless it is being played on an accordion by a very gifted bear. If that is the case, continue on with “Yes.”

“Has it eaten you yet?”

If you’ve made it this far, you’ve got reason to celebrate! You haven’t become someone’s dinner! Jump for joy…and then run!

Pearl’s Bottom Line: Just look around, and you’ll probably find more reasons to jump for joy than you can count! Pearl’s own “Ode To Joy” has triumphed in the end!

Pearl’s Life Coaching Flowchart #1

Pearl's Life Coaching Flowchart #1

With Valentine’s Day coming up this week, Pearl thought it might be good to offer a little help with answering one of life’s most challenging questions: “How can I tell if someone loves me so I can love them back?” So she has started calling herself a “Life Coach.”

To be honest, Pearl has become a little bored while waiting for another chance to do her newest standup comedy routine. She had even briefly considered working towards a college degree in her spare time.

Her first day at college was also her only day at college. It was one big disaster of a day.

She accidentally pecked holes all over her college entrance exam answer sheet which made it jam the scoring machine. The test proctors got really mad, and so she nervously nibbled her number two pencil to just sort of break the tension. No one laughed. No one gave her anything to eat at the end. No one gave her a comforting word or gesture. You’ll see why all of this is important later.

Pearl has vowed to return one day as a Life Coach and Motivational Speaker at the college. Pearl never gives up.

In my opinion, though she won’t admit it, this is mostly about having an opportunity to wear her new Valentine’s Day hat. (This might be to make up for not being able to wear a college graduation hat. You know, it’s the kind with the tassel. She does love hats…and tassels.)

Please keep in mind this is all from Pearl’s unique chicken perspective. Whether or not this carries over to a human perspective is something you can decide for yourself.

“Do they refuse to laugh at your best jokes?”

Since Pearl is a standup comedian, this is the first and perhaps the most important question of all. You should delight in each other’s company and at least share a laugh or two.

If they refuse to even give you a “pity laugh,” you probably want to watch out! They are likely to peck you on the head when you least expect it and then knock you off of the perch!

To be extra sure, tell your very worst joke. You’ll know which one that is because it’s the one that makes the other chickens roll their eyes and walk away. If they still laugh even at your worst joke, there is a strong chance they love you and want to be your friend!

Pearl’s Bottom Line: One of these days, you’ll be too old to do much of anything except share stories and laughs. Plan ahead for those sunny “retired-from-egg-laying” days!

“Do they bring you food?”

If they bring you food and have made sure it’s something you like ahead of time, this is almost a sure sign you can love them back!

You still need to be careful because they might look at you as food. This is not good. If they are licking their chops and drooling when they give you food, this is definitely not good. Run for your life!

Nevertheless. Don’t forget they may not have any food to give you. This is not so good, but it is understandable.

Even if they don’t give you any food, give them one more chance, particularly if they are a chicken since chickens do not have cupboards or refrigerators for keeping food.

Pearl’s Bottom Line: Bringing someone earthworms is undoubtedly the best way to show someone you love them. If you have no earthworms to bring them, let them have their first choice when you are looking for earthworms together.

“Do they let you rest your head on them?”

This is Pearl’s ultimate decisive question, and I tend to agree with her. This is how young chickens let each other know they feel safe with each other and support each other. For people it might be different, but the idea is still the same.

When you can just be yourself without having to pretend you are someone you are not…well, that is a gift. When just being with someone makes you forget all of your worries and woes…well, that is a gift too.

Pearl’s Bottom Line: Life can be tough for chickens, and even more so for people. If you find rest in someone else, love them back! Let them find rest in you!

I have a feeling “Let them find rest in you!” will probably lead into Pearl’s next flowchart which just might use a question something like, “How can I love someone without worrying whether they love me back or not?” It’s one of Pearl’s greatest life coaching skills and something she does very well: loving everyone until they have no other choice except loving her back. Like I said, Pearl never gives up!