With Valentine’s Day coming up this week, Pearl thought it might be good to offer a little help with answering one of life’s most challenging questions: “How can I tell if someone loves me so I can love them back?” So she has started calling herself a “Life Coach.”
To be honest, Pearl has become a little bored while waiting for another chance to do her newest standup comedy routine. She had even briefly considered working towards a college degree in her spare time.
Her first day at college was also her only day at college. It was one big disaster of a day.
She accidentally pecked holes all over her college entrance exam answer sheet which made it jam the scoring machine. The test proctors got really mad, and so she nervously nibbled her number two pencil to just sort of break the tension. No one laughed. No one gave her anything to eat at the end. No one gave her a comforting word or gesture. You’ll see why all of this is important later.
Pearl has vowed to return one day as a Life Coach and Motivational Speaker at the college. Pearl never gives up.
In my opinion, though she won’t admit it, this is mostly about having an opportunity to wear her new Valentine’s Day hat. (This might be to make up for not being able to wear a college graduation hat. You know, it’s the kind with the tassel. She does love hats…and tassels.)
Please keep in mind this is all from Pearl’s unique chicken perspective. Whether or not this carries over to a human perspective is something you can decide for yourself.
“Do they refuse to laugh at your best jokes?”
Since Pearl is a standup comedian, this is the first and perhaps the most important question of all. You should delight in each other’s company and at least share a laugh or two.
If they refuse to even give you a “pity laugh,” you probably want to watch out! They are likely to peck you on the head when you least expect it and then knock you off of the perch!
To be extra sure, tell your very worst joke. You’ll know which one that is because it’s the one that makes the other chickens roll their eyes and walk away. If they still laugh even at your worst joke, there is a strong chance they love you and want to be your friend!
Pearl’s Bottom Line: One of these days, you’ll be too old to do much of anything except share stories and laughs. Plan ahead for those sunny “retired-from-egg-laying” days!
“Do they bring you food?”
If they bring you food and have made sure it’s something you like ahead of time, this is almost a sure sign you can love them back!
You still need to be careful because they might look at you as food. This is not good. If they are licking their chops and drooling when they give you food, this is definitely not good. Run for your life!
Nevertheless. Don’t forget they may not have any food to give you. This is not so good, but it is understandable.
Even if they don’t give you any food, give them one more chance, particularly if they are a chicken since chickens do not have cupboards or refrigerators for keeping food.
Pearl’s Bottom Line: Bringing someone earthworms is undoubtedly the best way to show someone you love them. If you have no earthworms to bring them, let them have their first choice when you are looking for earthworms together.
“Do they let you rest your head on them?”
This is Pearl’s ultimate decisive question, and I tend to agree with her. This is how young chickens let each other know they feel safe with each other and support each other. For people it might be different, but the idea is still the same.
When you can just be yourself without having to pretend you are someone you are not…well, that is a gift. When just being with someone makes you forget all of your worries and woes…well, that is a gift too.
Pearl’s Bottom Line: Life can be tough for chickens, and even more so for people. If you find rest in someone else, love them back! Let them find rest in you!
I have a feeling “Let them find rest in you!” will probably lead into Pearl’s next flowchart which just might use a question something like, “How can I love someone without worrying whether they love me back or not?” It’s one of Pearl’s greatest life coaching skills and something she does very well: loving everyone until they have no other choice except loving her back. Like I said, Pearl never gives up!
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